We watched Hit Man when it came out last evening. The star is quite good; the rest of the cast adequate. Oh, but that ending…nope. What the hell? Either a) the suits made them change whatever they came up with first; b) the two writers (star and director) are really that naive; or c) both a and b.
OK, if you haven’t watched the film, here’s the plot. Nerd guy who teaches philosophy and psych does tech support for NOLA PD..you know, New Orleans Police Department. Their main undercover guy gets busted for roughing up teenagers, so quite implausibly, they get the nerd to play the undercover guy. You can fill in what happens in Acts 1 and 2. Different perps; some guilty, some goofy ones innocent. He’s clearly himself testifying in open court but somehow nobody knows he’s an undercover wannabe cop. Right.
Act 3 introduces the inevitable femme fatale. Beautiful, sexy, but semi-innocent appearing – at first. He gets drawn in deeper, as the ersatz hit man “Ron”. Then the soon-to-be-ex husband (and putative hittee) appears on the scene as they are leaving the nightclub. Confrontation, “Ron” pulls the gun on him and … Oh my… Off to the races. But then …
Of course! Ex-husband tries to hire “Ron”, not knowing he’s the guy who pulled the gun on him with the wife. More implausible. But ok..I can live with it up to this point. But guess what happens next? Yep. Ex-husband ends up dead. Who killed him? Not “Ron” and not the nerd. Uh huh..
More plot ensues, and rather than bore you with the details, let’s just say the ending is, “And they all lived happily ever after.” Oh My God. Refer to paragraph 1.
Now: here’s what SHOULD have happened. There would be three endings. First ending..Just a shot of nerd in the hole, with the shovel, burying a guy in part of the plot I didn’t bore you with. He’s the guy who got busted for roughing up teenagers who tumbles to the relationship after the ex’s death. Anyway, back to the ending. He’s about to finish burying the guy when the lights flash and the bit player other cops are standing over the hole. Freeze in mid-scene; flash forward to interview rooms like Homicide, Life on the Streets where in one room he’s blaming her and in the next she’s blaming him, batting her eyes at some hapless interviewer who has ten seconds on screen. Fade out. Then!
Second ending: He drives up to her place in a new Lambourghini, or however you spell it. He’s spending the million dollar insurance money she got from the dead ex. Confrontation; takes a bite of pie (pie figures in the plot in several scenes) and his head drops into the plate. She waits ten minutes; then calls 911, saying her boyfriend just OD’d and please hurry. Hangs up and smiles at dead “Ron” or nerd. Next scene the EMTs are carrying the covered body out. At the door, she bats her eyes at the cute one, asking if he knows anyone who wants to buy a used sports car. Smiles exchanged. Fade out. Finally!
Third ending. Scene outside same nightclub. Girl is leaving with another guy who looks a lot like the ex-husband (but isn’t..just a guy) and they’re laughing and kissing. Nerd steps up – just like ex-husband did – and confronts the pair. Of course, there’s a scene and yes, new hook-up pulls the gun on “Ron”/nerd. But this time “Ron”/nerd reaches for the gun behind his back, firing at the pair and killing them both. Drops the gun and looks stunned. Sirens. Fade out.
End piece voiceover. Ron/nerd is in prison stripes, finishing telling the story that he should have realized. At heart, people never really do change. Which was thesis of the piece to begin with. Ta da! Thank you, thank you.